


Blessed Is the Fruit

by Dirtykinkylove



Series: Fix-It [1]
Category: Jane the Virgin (TV)
Genre: F/M, Fix-It, Loss of Virginity
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-02
Updated: 2016-11-02
Packaged: 2018-08-28 06:00:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,967
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8434351
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dirtykinkylove/pseuds/Dirtykinkylove
Summary: Rafael loves Jane and Jane loves Michael. Right?





	

**Author's Note:**

> I'm going with the version my heart demanded, not what actually happened.

Jane stared at herself in the mirror as her grandmother and mother fluttered around her like butterflies around flowers. Her wedding dress, the original one she bought before...well...before  _everything_ , fit her perfectly as if her body weren't changed by the birth of Mateo. She looked for the differences in her reflection - did she look wiser or older or ... or...?

The ephemeral thought was interrupted by a spate of Spanish from a beaming Alba. Jane tuned into the proud blessing of fortune and love from her grandmother and tried to smile her thanks even as her stomach swooped with nausea.

"Ma! Ma! She's got it." Xo exclaimed, her many bracelets clacking with her gestures. She knew her daughter and knew the look on her face, so she sought to distract  _her_ mother long enough to get Jane alone. "Can you go check on Mateo? I'm sure Rafael would appreciate the help." It was strange for the former lover/baby daddy to be attending his rival's wedding to the love of his life, but it was one of the many elephants in the room that the Villanueva women avoided adroitly, having more than a year to learn how to step around them. 

When the door closed behind the happy Matriarch, Xo pinned her daughter with a piercing gaze. "Spill, Janie. What's going on in that big brain?"

Jane looked taken aback by her mother's question. There wasn't  _anything_ going on. And she said so. "There's nothing going on."

Xo looked at her baby and saw the drawn wan face and nervousness in the beautiful dark eyes so akin to Rogelio's and for once failed in divining the true reason. "Are you nervous about having sex for the first time?"

Jane flushed bright red, quite a feat given her skin's coloring, and shook her head urgently, glad for the many bobby-pins keeping her upswept hair in place. "No, no, nothing like that...I mean...we've done...stuff...just not  _that_ before and...we've talked about it."

It was true - Jane really wasn't worried about the upcoming wedding night because of the gentleness in which Michael had treated her since their reunion. In the weeks leading up to their wedding, he had shown her his body and answered all her questions. She'd nervously bared hers to him as well, a larger step for her than marriage since no one but her grandmother and Xo had ever seen her naked (Rafael didn't count -  _couldn't_ count since it wasn't like that. It  _wasn't_ ).

It was more the unsettled feeling in the pit of her soul, for lack of a better term, which pulsed urgently in the hours leading up to the big day. Now she was an hour away from walking down the aisle to the man her head kept insisting was the better choice while the rest of her body ached to run away. No, she silently insisted to herself, this was the  _only_ choice since the beginning. It just took her a while to accept, that was all. Bridal nerves.

"Ma, I promise you I'm okay. I'm just...well...anxious to get it all over with."

Xo smiled then, believing her daughter, and swept the younger woman into an exuberant hug. "I'm so proud of you, baby. Going after everything you wanted despite all the obstacles standing in your way. This is the proudest moment of my life."

Jane closed her eyes in agony, the memory of large hands reaching out for her and sweeping her against a hard chest staining her conscience. She wasn't the good girl everyone believed her to be nor was she unsullied or untouched, the virgin bride Michael thought he was getting.  Her thighs still ached from being spread wide around lean hips that worked between them, spearing pleasure bowing her body against slick skin as she learned how a man pleases a woman. She still tingled, a day later, from rough claiming kisses and beard burn against her sensitive breast. There were signs her body wore that would tell the tale of a straying woman and Jane's heart hurt at her deception. 

A knock at the door broke both women from their thoughts and they both wiped their eyes free of tears, though springing from two very different sources.

"Come in," Jane called. Rogelio crossed the threshold a moment later, resplendently dressed in a suit hauntingly familiar. It took a moment for Jane to understand why: it was similar to a costume he wore on his old telenova when he played El Presidente. She struggled not to laugh and felt her mother's body quake against hers too. Xo may love the man, but she wasn't above mocking him upon occasion.

"Ahh, there are my two favorite beauties. You look like as enchanting as I imagined, if I were to ever imagine having a daughter old enough to get married while still being a man of 33."

Both Villaneuva women rolled their eyes at his vanity but it broke Jane's tension long enough for her to nudge her mother aside and settle into Rogelio's open arms. He wasn't what she had ever expected or fantasized for a father, but he was  _hers_ regardless. 

"Xo, can I have a moment with my daughter?"

Rogelio held his tongue until his love left the room before pinning his daughter with a discerning gaze. He knew he was thick when it came to emotions - Michael had to point out Xo's hints for a love declaration after all - but he did understand ambivalence, which he saw etched across on Jane's face.

"You know there's still time to change your mind?"

Jane, half-turned towards the full-length mirror, halted in shock at Rogelio's words. "Wh-wh-at do you mean?"

"I saw you and Rafael slip away last night during the rehearsal dinner," he stated plainly so to avoid any misunderstanding.

"It was nothing - just last minute discussion about Mateo while I'm on my honeymoon."

Rogelio felt his eyebrows raise at Jane's bald-faced lie. While he was often blown away by Jane's...everything...sometimes he thought her dedication to being perfect and perfectly pure had stunted some of her emotional growth, hence her waffling between the two men in her life. For her to resort to lying - something she never did - meant  _something_ had happened. He knew he just had to stare at her long enough and she would -

"Okay, that's a lie." There she was. "It was about that but turned into..."  Jane drew a deep breath, tears dripping down her face as her hands twisted in front of her. "I cheated on Michael and slept with Rafael last night."

Shock filled the older man at her words. It wasn't anything close to what he expected: a hug or kiss at most. Rogelio knew how much Rafael had hurt Jane in the past, pretending not to love her in order to push her away for her own protection, but he also understood the other man in a way he knew none of the Villanueva women could. For all his wealth, Rafael was a man tormented by his own inadequacies and perceived failures who didn't fully understand how to let his guard down. Jane was raised in the bosom of a loving and protective family and couldn't understand the heart-rending pain caused by the lack of familial closeness. Rafael did, as did Rogelio. In fact, the younger male had matured since the birth of his son - learning lessons of parenthood and how to be a man - into the life partner  _any_ parent would want for their child.

Michael was a good man as well, but he was the  _safe_ choice for Jane while Rafael was her heart's choice.

"I'm a horrible person and I can't believe I'm going to break Michael's heart  _again_."

Of course his sweet Janie wouldn't be able to live with herself for what had happened. Rogelio silently breathed a sigh of relief that she was finally cutting through the Gordion knot she'd ensnared herself in. "I hope he'll forgive me eventually so we can get married."

And he'd sighed too soon. "You don't think sleeping with another man - the father of your son - means something?"

Jane was stubborn like her mother and didn't want to see the forest for the trees. "Yes, I'm a horrible person."

"And nothing else?" he gently prodded. Surely she understood what he could see so clearly?

Jane stared at Rogelio and wanted to stomp her foot at his obtuseness. Couldn't he see she was agonizing over her cheating without poking at the wound? She'd tried to ignore everything, how she felt wrapped in Rafael's arms, as if the nagging emptiness she'd felt was finally filled in a way that had nothing to do with sex. She's awakened this morning with a sense of serenity and happiness she'd not felt in a very long time - at least until she remembered this was her  _wedding_ day to  _another_ man. It was as if she'd forgotten the time, distance, and separation between them and focused only on the pleasure.

Her romantic heart would be the death of her.

Rogelio sighed again, this time in disappointment. It wasn't for him to make up Jane's mind for her.

"So will I walk you down the aisle today?"

Jane looked down at her wedding dress, the one she'd pictured her entire life, and wanted to rip it off her. Shred it like she'd shredded her dignity and self-worth by falling back into old patterns with Rafael. The old magic that she'd ignored time and again had snared her when she'd looked across the open dining room to see him standing on the threshold, backlit like the hero from one of the telenovas she used to watch with her mom and abuela. 

Michael hadn't even noticed when she'd slipped away, his attention caught by an aunt on his mother's side. Jane had floated across the room and into the dimly lit corridor, her eyes trained on Rafael.

"Why are you here?"

They co-parented and had become comfortable enough with one another to be alone despite their past, but Rafael never approved of her going back to Michael.

"I came here to talk about -"

Jane held up a hand and said, "Don't worry, Abuela and Mom know you're going to take Mateo for the weekend so you won't get hassled by them."

Rafael growled then, running a hand through his hair. "No! I came here because I want to beg you for one last chance. Don't do this to me, to us. We belong together."

Jane's mouth dropped open in her shock. This was the last thing she expected. "We both know we're bad for one another - we want different things." She forbid herself from mentioning the women who drifted in and out of his bed. It had nothing to do with her nor was it her business what he got up to with other people. "I'm marrying Michael because we have the same life goals and come from the same backgrounds."

Dark eyes narrowed. "You don't mention how much you love him."

"Of course I do," she stammered. "It goes without saying."

"Does it, Jane? Does it? You know, in all this time since you guys got back together, all I've heard you say was how it fit into your life plan, or how well-matched you are, but I've yet to hear anything about love."

"I tell him all the time what I feel." It was hard to sneer down her nose at someone several inches taller, but Jane managed to do it anyway.

"So look me in the eye and tell me that there is nothing left between us, that you aren't in love with me, and I'll go away. I won't ever bother you again."

She straightened and stared into the gorgeous eyes he'd bequeathed to their son, and slowly said, "We have nothing left between us except our son."

"Why, Jane?" His voice was so soft and mesmerizing.

"Because I...I...don't -" she struggled with getting out the words he demanded of her. She  _didn't_ love him the way she did when they were in the heady days of their relationship's beginning. How could she? They were different people now, changed by circumstances and shaped by their son's presence. Despite everything, the pain and heartache and fear she'd gone through, Jane couldn't help but think of how Rafael had grown into a loving and wonderful father determined to be a better parent than  _his_ own father had been. Even though he'd been busy and hands off during her pregnancy, he'd made room in his life for them both in a way she had feared he would never be able to do. She  _did_ love Rafael, just not romantically.

Right?

Right.

Wrong, as it turned out since Rafael too her inability to parrot his words back at him as a sign of her continued love for him. He'd swept her into his thickly muscled arms, the enveloping warmth of his body mashed against hers in exciting ways that even Michael couldn't do. Thinking of her fiance should've doused her fervor, but instead it seemed to quicken the rebellious fire burning in her belly. Rafael had taken her hand and they'd fled the restaurant for the close environs of his sports car. The rush of speed, Rafael's hand on her thigh, led Jane into reckless passion that ended with them entangled on his bed, his body moving smoothly in hers while words of praise and love showered over her in between sporadic kisses. 

And now her father wanted her to think it was Fate and not bridal nerves that led her to throwing a lifetime of caution to the wind.

"Dad -"

"Jane," he responded, hands raised. "I abide by whatever you want to do."

"Just leave me alone to think."

Rogelio nodded sadly and kissed the top of her head. "I love you no matter what."

Jane sat down in a heap of crinoline and silk, head in hands as she sought to understand how her life had come to this. She wasn't the person who cheated or lied, but she'd done both. When Michael had called her later, asking where she'd gone, she'd lied and said Mateo was sick and she'd gone to comfort her son. Michael understood and whispered his love, telling her he looked forward to seeing her the next day. She'd turned off her phone and lay back in Rafael's arms, allowing their mutual skin hunger to whisk away her guilt and sadness.

The door opened again and Jane said without looking up, "Not  _now_ Rogelio!"

"It's me."

Jane gasped and looked into the architect of her despair, though a small voice pointed out it wasn't  _all_ his fault since she'd chosen to lie down in that particular bed. Rafael looked resplendent in his closed fitted tux and slicked back hair, his chin and cheeks lightly touched with the beginnings of a five o'clock shadow, at eleven o'clock in the morning.

"You ran out on me to come here?"

"I made a promise to him!"

Jane was on her feet, adrenaline and anger coursing through her body, and Rafael was barely a foot away though she had no memory of him crossing the room. 

"And what about the promise you made to me last night? The love-making we shared?"

"It was just sex -" Jane faltered as she listened to what she was actually saying. Sex was never  _just sex_ with her and there was no pretending last night was anything but a declaration - though a declaration of  _what_ she didn't know. "I'm so confused, and angry, and guilty, and ashamed. I broke the vow I made to Abuela. I broke the trust between Michael and I. I'm a horrible person."

Large hands drew her shaking sobbing body into a hard sculpted chest and Jane pressed her face against starched cotton and breathed in. The smell of baby powder and cedar aftershave were the two predominant scents, but underneath was a unique scent she automatically associated with  _home, safety,_ and  _Rafael._

She stepped back and wiped her eyes with the backs of her hands like she were a toddler instead of a grown woman. This farce had gone on far too long and Jane couldn't believe she was here, now, in this position, but accountability was a concept she'd been spoon-fed from the womb.

"I have to make this right with everyone - and somehow reimburse Michael for all the money he spent on this beautiful wedding."

"I can pay him -" Rafael stopped at Jane's glare. "Or not."

"Not," Jane emphasized sternly. "It's already bad enough I'm leaving him at the altar without adding salt to the wound."

Rafael dropped a tiny kiss on her nose and stepped out of range of her swatting hand. Beneath the grimness and overwhelming grayness, Jane could feel the first tendrils of sunshine and spring growth, the same way she'd felt when she and Rafael shared their first kiss when she was eighteen, or the first time they kissed as fully knowing adults, or when she saw him hold their son after he was born.

"This is real." Her hands flapped between their bodies as her mind finally caught up to her heart and soul. "We're the real deal. We're Abuelo and Abeula." 

Rafael's smile spread across his beautiful face like the rising sun and Jane felt the knowing in her gut and the boom of her heart finally sync so she understood the truth: he was her everything regardless of all the ephemera she'd allowed to cloud her judgement. There was much to discuss and figure out, and all the people she would disappoint once she stepped out of this room, so for one shining moment Jane just let herself  _be_ _._


End file.
